


wake up

by mossymoon



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Major Spoilers, takes place directly after ep 24, traumatizing these characters even further
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27342967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mossymoon/pseuds/mossymoon
Summary: after sending off eiji at the airport, sing returns to the library with a vengeance, determined to give ash a piece of his mind. but he can't seem to wake ash from his slumber.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Sing Soo-Ling, Okumura Eiji & Sing Soo-Ling
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	wake up

**Author's Note:**

> this is def a drabble but i've heard from a lot of places that sing was the person who identified ash's body after he was found in the library, and i thought 'what if sing was the one who actually found his body?'. apologies in advance (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) cw for blood, pls enjoy

the sun was hanging low in the sky when sing left the airport. he angrily scrubbed the tears from his cheeks, sniffling up the snot that was making it annoyingly difficult to breathe. it wasn't fair that the sky looked so nice on such a shit day.

eiji looked like he'd aged years waiting for ash in that crowded terminal, eyes empty when they turned their attention up to him when he ran up to yell his 'message' from ash to him. he couldn't bring himself to tell him the truth, he couldn't make himself responsible for breaking his heart more than it already had been over the last two years.

ash.. that selfish ass. he would make him pay for abandoning eiji like he did, for refusing to give him a fragment of closure before he was shipped off to japan to be bound to a wheelchair for the next few weeks longing for him. weren't they supposed to be best friends? that wasn't what friends were supposed to do. friends aren't supposed to leave you high and dry when you need them the most.

he knew he had his reasons, but couldn't he just suck it up for at least one day so he could give eiji a proper farewell? it wasn't like they would never see each other again, but it was wholly unfair nonetheless. sing didn't think about where he was walking to until he looked up from the ground. his feet had taken him to the library without him even realizing.

this was good! he would drag that idiot out of the library by his ear and give him another piece of his mind— no, he would completely let loose on him. he knew eiji could never be angry with ash, so he would be angry with him for him. after all eiji done for him, this was the least he could do.

so he marched up the steps, tugging open the heavy door and striding across the plaza with fire blazing in his heart. it was much emptier than it was when he came, perhaps they were closing soon. then he would do the library staff a favor and remove him from the premises before they had to argue with him themselves. he's probably given those people so much trouble hanging around here, maybe even more trouble than he had given eiji and him combined.

the reading room was similarly barren, only a few people sparsely scattered across the long wooden tables, the workers already sweeping the floor and shutting off the lights on the upper levels. his eyes locked onto ash, at his usual table, but in a different chair. eiji's chair.

that made him even angrier. he ditches eiji, he forces everyone away, then he takes eiji's place as if he had never been there? for what? because he missed him? because he wanted to pretend like he'd return to come pester him about being in his seat? and was he _sleeping_?! how could he sleep after doing such a thing?

his fists balled as he practically stomped the last few steps to ash, glaring down at him with a look that could kill.

"ash."

that smile on his sleeping face made him angry. he didn't deserve peace after he did that to eiji. he had smeared the ink of the letter under his cheek. rage flared in sing's chest. he remembered helping eiji with his english, how many times he'd had to restart because he wanted to get the cursive just right. he put so much work into that letter, so much time and care, just for ash to mess it up. he messed everything up.

"ash." his teeth gritted, voice harsh but still at a polite volume, "get up. we need to talk."

it was as if he wasn't even speaking to him, not even the slightest twitch of his eyelids, no acknowledgement of his words or his feelings. his hands had begun to shake, angry tears burning his eyes, an uncomfortable lump forming in his throat.

"hey asshole, wake up."

heads were turning now, but he didn't care. nails dug into his palms, heart hammering with the surge of fury that was coursing through him. he would make him listen. he didn't listen to him when they first met, he didn't listen to him at the mental health center, he didn't listen to him a few hours ago, but now he would. he would hear him.

"get. _up_." sing seized the back of his overcoat, dragging him up to sit back in the chair.

his fingers twitched. why was he so heavy? his head lolled forward limply, falling back with a jerk when he gave his collar another tug.

"ash. wake up already. stop pretending to be asleep and talk to me."

nothing. his face didn't look like him, too calm, too pale in the warm light of the library.

"what the hell is wrong with you?" his voice was wavering now, gaze flickering a jagged path from him to the letter on the table. there was something other than tears and ink smears on the paper.

blood.

somehow recognizing the sight of it broke his haze of anger, the metallic scent hitting his nose, his throat squeezing tight. he looked to his lap, the dark stain soaking his grey pants and beginning to pool in the chair. there was so much blood—too much—his hand was slicked red with it, fingers stiffened into an unnatural position.

no.

no no no no.

"ash. ash, wake up right now." his breath was starting to come in fast, uneven puffs, "why are you ignoring me? w-wake up."

someone shushed him, he ignored, arm trembling so much that it didn't make much of a difference when he made an effort to shake him awake again. tears ran hot down his face, dripping down his chin as he forced his shaking body to take a step closer.

"ash. _ash_.." he sounded so weak, voice fraying at the edges as he dropped his collar, the chair spinning into the side of the table with a heavy thud when ash's weight slumped onto the arm rest. "you need to apologize to eiji, y-you need to help me fix c-chinatown, you need to s-settle the score with y-yut lung.. you need to do so many fucking t-things. w-w-wake up."

he was almost gasping, a strangled sob escaping him when ash fell forward, head resting back on the table. there was even more blood now, trickling down from his pale lips and dripping onto the table, seeping into the small cracks in the wood and pooling out towards the letter.

the letter.

he quickly snatched it away before the blood could reach it, it was all he could do with his feet rooted to the ground and his vision so blurred with tears. it was so hard to breathe, like there was vice cranking around him, crushing his chest and collapsing his lungs. no, there was no way someone could've killed ash. he was too good, inhumanly good, he would never let his guard down.

but then he remembered.

eiji.

he was a different person with eiji, he was normal around eiji, he was a child when he was with eiji.

the letter.

he left him alone with that fucking letter.

he was wandering the streets alone reading the letter and—

oh god.

what had he done? he let him die. he set him up to be slaughtered. he ruined everything.

eiji.

eiji would hate him, he would never want to see his face again, he would blame him forever.

no— it would be even worse. he would tell him it wasn't his fault, he would comfort him and try to make sure he didn't take an ounce of the blame, he would forgive whoever did this to ash. he would always forgive.

the workers had rushed over, there were people shouting, phones dialing, noise all around him. someone tried to pull him away, but he snatched his hand away, screaming for them to leave him alone. he couldn't leave ash again, he couldn't let someone take him away.

he didn't know how long he was standing there staring at ash's dead, bleeding body before police officers and medical responders swarmed the room. he was declared dead at 7:13 pm, but it was clear he'd been dead far before then.

how long had he been sitting there? was it quick or did he suffer? why did he come here instead of the hospital? why did he want to die?

he couldn't think of anything but the minutes, or hours, before ash's death, even as they loaded his body onto a stretcher and carted him off in an ambulance, as the police led him outside and began their endless barrage of questions. he could only stare up at them from his spot on the curb, the flash of the red and blue lights almost blinding, unable to digest their words or produce his own.

he bowed his head, staring with teary eyes at the street before he hunched into himself, sobbing into his lap and shaking violently. every time he closed his eyes he was back in the library, the air smelled like blood, ash was pale and drenched red with so much of his own blood.

he realized the letter was beginning to crumple in his clammy hands, barely able to steady himself enough to fold it properly and tuck it into his jacket when the police had turn their back to him. the rest of the evening was a blur, the numb endeavor of being questioned in a painfully cramped interrogation room for hours, wandering home after they had cleared him as a suspect, barely acknowledging the questions of his friends as he struggled to drag himself up the stairs and fell into his bed.

he didn't sleep a wink that night, he just stared at the wall with all its dents and chipped paint and thought of ash in the library, eiji staring up at him so solemnly at the airport, everyone else's bittersweet emotions filling the empty space around the boy.

he swore to himself that night that he would be there for eiji, he would never be able to make it up to him but he needed to do something for him. he would do it for him, he would do so much more for him. he would make sure that eiji would never feel alone again.

he would make sure there was no more goodbyes.


End file.
